haze as I turned to my closet。 The numbness was more
essential in some places than in
others。 I barely registered what I was looking at as I slid the door aside to
reveal the pile of rubbish on
the left side of my closet； under the clothes I never wore。
My eyes did not stray toward the black garbage bag that held my present from
that last birthday； did not
see the shape of the stereo where it strained against the black plastic； I
didn't think of the bloody mess
my nails had been when I'd finished clawing it out of the dashboard。
I yanked the old purse I rarely used off the nail it hung from； and shoved the
door shut。
Just then I heard a horn honking。 I swiftly traded my wallet from my schoolbag
into the purse。 I was in a
hurry； as if rushing would somehow make the night pass more quickly。
I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before I opened the door； arranging my
features carefully into a smile
and trying to hold them there。
〃Thanks for ing with me tonight；〃 I told Jess as I climbed into the
passenger seat； trying to infuse my
tone with gratitude。 It had been a while since I'd really thought about what I
was saying to anyone
besides Charlie。 Jess was harder。 I wasn't sure which were the right emotions
to fake。
〃Sure。 So； what brought this on？〃 Jess wondered as she drove down my street。
〃Brought what on？〃
〃Why did you suddenly decide to go out？〃 It sounded like she changed her
question halfway through。
I shrugged。 〃Just needed a change。〃
I recognized the song on the radio then； and quickly reached for the dial。 〃Do
you mind？〃 I asked。
〃No； go ahead。〃