d wished to acpany me to the sea…side。 This St。 John opposed； he said I did not want dissipation； I wanted employment； my present life was too purposeless； I required an aim； and； I suppose； by way of supplying deficiencies； he prolonged still further my lessons in Hindostanee； and greplishment： and I； like a fool； never thought of resisting him—I could not resist him。
One day I had e to my studies in lower spirits than usual； the ebb was occasioned by a poignantly felt disappointment。 Hannah had told me in the morning there was a letter for me； and when I went down to take it； almost certain that the long…looked for tidings were vouchsafed me at last； I found only an unimportant note from Mr。 Briggs on business。 The bitter check had wrung from me some tears； and now； as I sat poring over the crabbed characters and flourishing tropes of an Indian scribe； my eyes filled again。
St。 John called me to his side to read； in attempting to do this my voice failed me： words were lost in sobs。 He and I were the only occupants of the parlour： Diana was practising her music in the drawing…room； Mary was gardening—it was a very fine May day； clear； sunny； and breezy。 My panion expressed no surprise at this emotion； nor did he question me as to its cause； he only said—
“We will wait a few minutes； Jane； till you are more posed。” And while I smothered the paroxysm with all haste； he sat calm and patient； leaning on his desk； and looking like a physician watching with the eye of science an expected and fully understood crisis in a patient’s malady。 Having stifled my sobs； wiped my eyes； and muttered something about not being very well that morning； I resumed my task； and succeeded in pleting it。 St。 John put away my books and his； locked his desk； and said—