sisters and I stood round him； bidding him good…night； he kissed each of them； as was his custom； and； as ； he gave me his hand。 Diana； who chanced to be in a frolicsome humour （She was not painfully controlled by his will； for hers； in another way； was as strong）； exclaimed—
“St。 John！ you used to call Jane your third sister； but you don’t treat her as such： you should kiss her too。”
She pushed me towards him。 I thought Diana very provoking； and felt unfortably confused； and while I was thus thinking and feeling； St。 John bent his head； his Greek face was brought to a level y eyes piercingly—he kissed me。 There are no such things as marble kisses or ice kisses； or I should say my ecclesiastical cousin’s salute belonged to one of these classes； but there may be experiment kisses； and his was an experiment kiss。 When given； he viewed me to learn the result； it was not striking： I am sure I did not blush； perhaps I might have turned a little pale； for I felt as if this kiss were a seal affixed to my fetters。 He never omitted the ceremony afterwards； and the gravity and quiescence with which I underwent it； seemed to invest it for him with a certain charm。
As for me； I daily wished more to please him； but to do so； I felt daily more and more that I must disown half my nature； stifle half my faculties； wrest my tastes from their original bent； force myself to the adoption of pursuits for which I had no natural vocation。 He wanted to train me to an elevation I could never reach； it racked me hourly to aspire to the standard he uplifted。 The thing was as impossible as to mould my irregular features to his correct and classic pattern； to give to my changeable green eyes the sea…blue tint and solemn lustre of his own。
Not his ascendancy alone； howeve